Konstantin Stanislavski, the famous Russian theatrical trainer, and author of “The System of Physical Actions” observed that an actor could draw on the emotions of others, through empathy.
In Stanislavski’s own words, “We must study other people and get as close to them emotionally as we can, until sympathy for them is transformed into feelings of our own.”
Think of a time when you and another person were completely in sync. It could be a friend or a lover or a family member or someone you just met by chance. Chances are you found you thought alike or felt the same way about a certain movie or book or experience.
You may not have noticed it at the time, but when you were in that state of “rapport” with that person you had similar patterns of breathing and speech, and you shared the same facial expressions and postures. Even the movement of your eyes and the tone of your voice harmonized to a degree.
Your emotional state was influenced by your interaction with that other person. And your emotional state influenced your physiology. If it was a happy experience, you smiled, your eyes tended to look up, and your shoulders were square.
Smiling and laughing, for example, set off biological processes that, in fact, make us feel good. They increase the flow of blood to the brain and change the level of oxygen. The same thing happens with other expressions. Put your facial expressions in the physiology of fear or anger or disgust or surprise, and that’s what you’ll feel.
If you want to strike the right emotional chord for your target prospect, it helps immeasurably if you can experience the emotions they’re feeling. Makes sense doesn’t it?
The easiest way to do that is through your physiology. If you adopt someone else’s physiology, you instantly have a window into the emotions they’re feeling. This is what method actors do.
Well, it works both ways. When you have rapport with someone, you can then begin leading the dance. If you gravitate toward a dynamic, excited physiology, the other person will automatically adopt the same state of mind, and experience those emotions, too.
This process actually begins well before you meet your prospect …
How to ask yourself, “what am I really selling?” and feel confident in your answer …
Through researching your prospect, reading books and watching movies that portray your prospect’s struggles and joys, you can begin to feel what they’re feeling.
Through the use of an interactive lead generation magnet, like our new CYOA, you can validate and expand your understanding of that data.
And through active listening to your prospect at the enrollment call, you can get close to them emotionally, until sympathy for them is transformed into feelings of your own.
Only then can you ask yourself “what am I really selling” and be confident in your answer. “Yes, I know it’s a course or a service or program, but what am I truly selling? What human values are at stake?”
Let’s suppose you’re teaching people how to become better conversationalists …
Your first step should be to build a dossier on your ideal prospect.
You’ll gain valuable information about the breakdown of past buyers of similar programs by sex, age group, what they purchased, and in some cases where and how those clients have been acquired. This allows you to begin visualizing your buyer, and stepping into his or her shoes.
If your target market is split relatively evenly between the sexes, you may want to go through the exercise twice, once for each sex.
Your goal is to immerse yourself in their world, until your mirror neurons begin firing and their feelings begin to become your feelings. When that happens, you may find it very useful to spend a few moments cataloguing your impressions.
How to build a dossier on your target prospects that keeps you 100% focused on what really matters to them …
OK, so this is a program about becoming a better conversationalist. Doesn’t matter what it is, you can lay out your profile in point form like this …
The typical female buyer of the “The Verbal Advantage” tends to derive much of her identity and self worth from:
- The ability to be accepted in diverse social situations, and be recognized as someone special …
- The ability to prevail in competition for career and financial success …
- The ability to obtain or maintain satisfying personal and sexual relationships …
She is success conscious, socially active, and wants to advance her career. She wants deeper, more meaningful personal relationships. She wants to be recognized and rewarded for her achievements. She wants to climb the social ladder, gain prestige, and enhance her perception of self-worth.
At the same time, she is …
- Frequently frustrated by feelings of doubt and inadequacy, often failing to assert herself in situations that could allow her to advance her position in the workplace …
- Uncomfortably inhibited in social situations, disappointed, and angry with herself for not knowing how to express her views and opinions more effectively …
- Unsure of her interpersonal skills, fearful of embarrassment, and sometimes reluctant to champion her ideas forcefully enough to advance her professional interests …
- Worried that life is passing her by, as she watches others confidently taking advantage of career advancement opportunities, and enjoying more satisfying personal relationships …
She wants, yearns, and passionately desires to break free from the above limitations, and …
- To become a polished, expert conversationalist …
- To introduce herself to strangers in social situations comfortably and confidently, and make a terrific first impression …
- To be able to walk into any party or business function and “work” the room with confidence, authority, and flair …
- To instantly engender respect for her intelligence from the people she meets …
- To be able to attract the romantic attention of any man, should she so desire …
Now, it’s time to close your eyes, visualize your prospect, and talk to her. What would you say to her? How would you get her attention? What benefits would you offer her first, second, third? How would you connect with her feelings?
What kind of story could you tell her that would allow her to easily slip into the heroine’s shoes?
Do you see how this process focuses you entirely on the prospect, and helps you answer the question, “What am I really selling?”
In our little example there are many prime buying motives we can infer. Here are a few examples, along with an idea of how they could be positioned …
- Social Contact – YOU the Life of the Party?
- Status – Join an Elite Group of Movers and Shakers Who Can Talk Anyone into Anything!
- Acceptance – Can Popularity Be Purchased? The Answer is “YES” – and the Cost is an Hour of Your Time …
- Romance – Don’t You Just Hate Walking Up To A Person Of The Opposite Sex And Trying To Start Up A Conversation?
- Vengeance – They All Chuckled When I Told Them I Was Calling The President Of The Company With My Cost Cutting Ideas — But Their Laughter Turned To Amazement When They Saw My New Corner Office!
- Power – Are You An “Alpha” Personality? Here’s How to Command Instant Respect, and Lead People Effortlessly With The Power of Your Speech …
- Tranquility – How To Walk Into A Room Full Of Strangers And Talk To Anyone With Total Confidence!
- Independence – Communicate Like A Pro, And YOU Call The Shots, Here’s How To Write Your Own Ticket Wherever You Go …
Empathy is the secret sauce that allows you to isolate your target prospect’s dominant emotions and desires and zero in on the most powerful appeals. It allows you to dredge up just the right words to strike a chord in the hearts of your most likely buyers.
It will help you to intuitively select the best headlines to test. It will help you to write in a way that builds an almost blinding rapport with your prospect, positioning you and your product or service as the obvious solution.
But like anything else, it takes practice and discipline. Your empathy is only as good as your research, and your willingness to listen actively and involve yourself emotionally in your prospect’s world. Most of all, it demands that you care about them sincerely, and want to help them.
Until next time, Good Selling!
Thanks – New insights which ring true. I can improve.
Cameron